Posted in Authentic Christianity

I stand before the Cross

(modified from March, 2015)

I stand before the Cross and I profess love for this Man, this God, who has taken my place on it…

then I turn away…

and go shopping for a bikini.

I can justify it because it is so cute and anyway,

if a guy looks at me to lust, it is his fault for not controlling himself,

and not my fault at all.

I go to church to worship my God…

I hear of His holiness, I sing of His truth…

then the final prayer ends,

and, after telling the preacher how really good the sermon made me feel,

I go home and I turn on the television,

and I fill my mind, my heart, my eyes, with things that I would be ashamed to watch

if Jesus were here…

but, He isn’t….

I justify watching it because it’s such a fun show,

and, after all, God is a God of love and He just wants me to be happy.

I kneel before my God and I pray

Thy will be done…

and I get up

and I go about doing my will…

with everyone that I meet…

in everything that I do…

not for a moment thinking…

that I am sinning.

I open up my Bible and I read about the wonders of God

and my heart rejoices…

I read of His love, His mercy, His tenderness

and I praise Him…

as I read on, I come to a passage that shows more than that…

where His holy anger towards sinners is revealed,

and reading it makes me nervous, uncomfortable…

so I turn the page,

and I read more about how very much Jesus loves me,

and I read into the passage how much Jesus longs for me to respond to Him,

and I think how cool it is that this God, the God of the whole universe, needs me…


and I determine to try to find something really nice to do for Him…


I reach out to my God in my need

and I can’t find Him.

I ask Him, “Where are You?”

but, He doesn’t answer me.

I don’t understand His silence.

I run towards where He was but find only darkness.

I seek Him and I cry, “Why have You abandoned me?”

“Where are You, God?”, I plead…

and it’s then that I realize…

that I am alone…

and He doesn’t seem to hear me…

at all.

Then, in the echoing silence, I hear a still small voice saying,

“If you love Me, you will obey Me.”

And I haven’t.

I am guilty.

I am ashamed.

I am lost.

And I fall on my face…

and I weep.



Slave of Christ. Reformed Baptist. Mama of many blessings. Homemaker. Homeschooler. Author. Blogger. I write about practical Christian living, womanhood, and domestic violence awareness (with a few other topics thrown in). Passionate about Christ's glory, my children, homemaking, writing, the church, helping those in abusive situations, reading, and animals. Lover of good coffee.

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