Posted in Anna Wood, Marriage

Open Letter to an Unmarried Woman: On Choosing a Godly Man

Dear Unmarried Woman of God,

Perhaps you dream of marriage, of the joining of hearts and souls as you and your beloved become one; most young ladies do. Before you choose the one you will marry, the one you will give yourself to, the one you will submit to, I beg you to study what the Word of God has to say about marriage and proceed prayerfully. A marriage made up of two people who love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, strength and mind is as near to heaven on earth as it is possible to come. A marriage made up of one of God’s children and a child of the devil is a pain nearly unequaled in its intensity.

A child of the devil? some of you might say, You don’t know my Peter.

No, I don’t. But I don’t have to know your Peter (or your Dave or Brian or Kevin) to warn you: if he isn’t a child of God, he is a child of the devil. There are no other options, no in-betweens. As the child of the devil, his goals, desires, hopes, longings, plans, ways, thoughts, words and deeds will be different from those of a child of God.

If you choose to marry a non-Christian, you will hurt every single day of every single year of your married life. He may be good to you. He may provide well. He may be a really good husband and a wonderful father. But he isn’t saved. Therefore you will hurt as he chooses ways that are contrary to the ways of God. You will ache as you cry out to God for his salvation. You will cry as he influences your children in ways that will break your heart. When you lower your standards for the kind of man you are willing to spend time with, you are lowering your standards for the kind of man you wish to one day marry. You are also lowering your standards for the kind of man you wish to have as the father of your children. You cannot afford to forget this.

Don’t look for a cute guy or a popular one. Don’t choose a guy simply because he makes you feel good about yourself, because he makes you laugh or because he treats you well. Look for a man who truly loves God. If your man truly loves God Himself, God as He is revealed in Scripture, and not simply his own concept of God, he will most assuredly love you. He will treat you far, far better than a child of the devil ever could. He will treat your children far, far better than you can now even begin to imagine. Your choice of a husband will impact your family for generations to come.

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you look for a man of God:

  • Does he love God above all? Instead of all? Or does he love money, self, fame, comfort or anything or anyone else–including you–more than he loves God?
  • Does he long to know God and to please God? Does his life reflect Christ? Is he spiritually mature? Does he show the fruits of the Spirit?
  • Does he daily study the Word of God? Does he understand God’s Word?
  • Is he able and willing to be the spiritual head of his family?
  • Does he understand marriage? Does he understand submission and headship? Is his view biblical, liberal or legalistic?
  • Is he willing to put his wife above his children and his family above his work?
  • Does he know how to relax? Does relaxation take its proper place in relationship to faith, family and work?
  • Does he “need” entertainment to be happy? Is he addicted to anything? Gaming? Cokes? Candy? Food? Fun? Danger? Sleep? Spending? Work?
  • Is he lazy or is he a hard worker? Is he willing to do menial jobs to help bring in money if needed? Is he willing to do them for his family or for others simply because they need to be done?
  • Is he prideful? Does he apologize when he’s been in the wrong?
  • Does he protect your purity? Does he push you to compromise? Does he make fun of your standards?
  • Does he encourage you to be modest both inside and out? Is he modest? Are his standards biblical, legalistic or liberal?
  • Does he lead you to worship? Or does he cause you to stumble?
  • How does he handle money? Does he know how to budget? Is he willing to budget?
  • How does he treat the weak, the needy, the hurting, the sick, the aged, the young?
  • How does he treat his family? How does he treat his mother and sisters?
  • How is he with strangers? How does he treat animals?
  • Does he treat  you with kindness even when he is tired or has had a bad day?
  • Does he guide you to obedience to God? Is he obedient to God or does he make excuses for himself?
  • Does he eschew legalism and liberalism in his theology? Does he understand grace?
  • Is he a praying man? Does he pray much and often? Does he pray with you?
  • How does he behave himself as a man? a son? a worker? friend?
  • Does he know and care what God demands of husbands and fathers?
  • Does he love the church? Does he enjoy being with God’s people?
  • Does he ache over the lost? Does he look for chances to share the Gospel? Does he make chances to share the Gospel?
  • Is he industrious and a self-starter?
  • Does he make excuses for his failures? Does he blame others? Does he accept responsibility for himself?
  • Is he easily angered? Is he jealous? Is he self-centered?
  • Does he display selfishness? Is he selfless? Is he a servant to others?
  • Does he want children? Is he mature enough to lead them?
  • Can he be trusted to lead his family well?
  • Is he truthful or does he lie? Is he a man of integrity, a man who can be trusted always…and in all ways?
  • Is he looking for a woman who exemplifies Titus 2 and Proverbs 31? Is he worthy of that kind of woman?

Choosing the man you will marry is one of the most important choices you will ever make. Hold out for a man of God and you will choose wisely.

Your sister,



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