Posted in Anna Wood, Authentic Christianity, discernment, modesty

I Stand Before the Cross

I stand before the Cross and I profess a love for this Man, this God, who has taken my place on it…

and I turn away…

and I go shopping and I buy a bikini.

I can justify it because it is so cute and anyway,

if a guy looks at me to lust, it is all his fault for not controlling himself,

and not my fault at all.

I go to church and I worship my God…

and I hear of His holiness, I sing of His truth…

then the final prayer ends

and I go home and I turn on the television,

and I fill my mind, my heart, my eyes, with things that I would be ashamed to watch

if Jesus were here…

but, He isn’t…

and I justify it, because it is a good show,

and, after all, God is a God of love and He just wants me to be happy.

I kneel before my God and I pray

Thy will be done…

and I get up

and I go about doing my will…

with everyone that I meet…

in everything that I do…

not for a moment thinking…

that I am sinning.

I open up my Bible and I read about the wonders of God

and my heart rejoices…

I read of His love, His mercy, His tenderness…

sometimes, I come to passage that shows more than that…

where His holy anger towards sinners is revealed,

and it makes me nervous, uncomfortable…

but, I turn the page,

and I read more about how very much God loves me,

and I read into it how much He longs for me to respond to Him,

and I think how cool it is that this God of the whole universe needs me…

me…

and I determine to try to find something really nice to do for Him…

sometimes.

I reach out to my God in my need…

and I can’t find Him…

and I ask Him, “Where are You?”

but, He doesn’t answer me…

and, I don’t understand His silence.

I run towards where He was but find only darkness.

I seek Him and I cry, “Why have You abandoned me?”

“Where are You, God?”, I plead…

and it’s then that I realize…

that I am alone…

and He doesn’t seem to hear me…

at all.

Then, in the echoing silence, suddenly I hear a still small voice saying,

“If you love Me, you will obey Me.”

And I am guilty.

I am ashamed.

And I fall on my face…

and I weep.

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Author:

Slave of Christ. Reformed Baptist. Mama of many blessings. Homemaker. Homeschooler. Author. Blogger. I write about practical Christian living, womanhood, and domestic violence awareness (with a few other topics thrown in). Passionate about Christ's glory, my children, homemaking, writing, the church, helping those in abusive situations, reading, and animals. Lover of good coffee.

2 thoughts on “I Stand Before the Cross

  1. Having read this, what do you have to say about it? What do I say?
    I say what an inspiring post. Thank you for displaying “man’s heart” and our sins for all to see. I have been considered a legalist for NOT doing much of what you mentioned. I have had to be ruthless from the beginning of my wanting “fall on my face before HIM” because I was ensnared in many worldly pleasures. BUT Christ saved me physically and spiritually amidst a single-vehicle roll-over and I knew that day I could have died and gone to hell – that thought had never entered my mind until that moment in time.

  2. Thought-provoking and convicting – thanks. Do we really take God’s Word seriously when we read it? Do we confine our worship of God to that 90-minute or so space of time that we (sometimes grudgingly) set aside on Sundays? God’s Word, worship of Him, thoughts of Christ – these should permeate and influence every area of our life, every day. And so goes the struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. May God give us the grace to mortify the flesh in His strength, by His Spirit, to His glory.

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