I can’t do this much longer, Lord. I’m so tired of the battle. My times of depression are coming more often. I look for relief, for helpers, but find none. How much longer can I endure? I get up every morning and try again for my children depend on me. My energy is gone. My hope has dwindled. I’m exhausted. I hurt. I’m tired in every way and of just about everything. Tomorrow holds more of the sameness that made yesterday and today so painful. But the children depend on me so, by God’s grace, tomorrow I’ll get up and try again. (a journal entry)
I read over the words I wrote and realize that, though my perspective was wrong, what led to my feelings is still very much present. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am so worn out by the battles that selfish people wage. Sick of those who attack, attack, attack. Worse than the battle itself is that it is waged by some who are within my home. Worse still, it’s not just me who is so worn out.
But God is good. In the battle, I am learning anew what it means to wait upon the Lord. In my exhaustion, he strengthens me. In my fear, He is my comfort. The pain diminishes under God’s healing touch. When all others run out, God comes in. And He comes in running. He takes me up and He comforts me. He is my Rock, my Fortress, my Shield and my High Tower. He is absolutely everything I need. He is the reason I can get up and try again.
I’m not a health-and-wealth Christian. I have no pentecostal leanings. In fact, I am reformed. But I do know God’s healing touch is real. I know first hand His comfort, His guidance, His strength. One of the things I’ve learned in this furnace is that while God runs in to help, His people rarely do. They might run but they run out, not in.
Few want to help, few want to be involved. It breaks my heart to say that but it’s so heartbreakingly true. God’s people are often very selective in the battles they will help others fight. They don’t want to hear about certain things, they don’t want to be involved in various battles, no matter how much you might need them.
I’ve been turned away by those who should have run in. I’ve known other dear brothers and sisters who have been turned away in times of need and brokenness. I’m fearful that I myself might have at some point been guilty of turning one away who needed a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, some words of wisdom. God forgive me if I have turned Your hurting ones away!
I seek for guidance, for someone to listen, someone to care. They pop in, give directives and pop out. No one stays. No one really wants to know what it is I face. What it is any of us face. May I never be guilty of refusing to listen ever again, Lord. May I never fail to lend a helping hand.
Tomorrow holds more of the sameness that made yesterday so painful. Those words are still true. But truer still is that God is faithful. When life is overwhelming to His people, He comes running. He might be the only One there but there He is and there He will be. People might be faithless but God Himself never is. He is a God Who runs.
Whatever your fear, your pain or your problem, God’s love is real and it’s steady. He cares. Trust Him. Lean on Him. Call to Him. Even if everyone else runs away, He never will. They may run out but He will run in.
He will run to you.