Dear Girls,
There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I’m betting most of you said “a Godly man.” Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don’t even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God. I’m sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn’t disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us. It’s how we handle these differences that separate a Godly man from a worldly man.
A worldly man doesn’t control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low-cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and “cute” little swim-suits. He’s a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they’re fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn’t really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He’s a “Christian” and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He’s a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry worldly guy, he’d bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.
A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He “walks in the Spirit” and isn’t set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly “bounces his eyes” away from the image. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. Godly guy doesn’t watch much TV and is selective about the movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry Godly guy, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.
Unfortunately, there are more worldly men than Godly men. And to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man can look a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? An important way of delineating between them lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.
This issue isn’t limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any Christian young man; we’ve all seen it. It’s kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You’ll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you’ve contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don’t just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.
Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, and “cute.” It’s important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done modestly! I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don’t understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don’t wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it’s a gift we have.
And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.
Wonderful! I am going to keep this for my daughter to read when she gets a little older! Blessings!~
I’m so happy that it is of benefit to you!
I am not a man, but do understand what you are saying. Women today get just what they ask for by the way they dress, then they complain about what they have received. Can lead to disaster. I have always made my own cloths (until now) and wears whatever I am comfortable with. Although a woman, I also turn away from the evil I see in other women with disgust. My Christian man dresses as he feels comfortable, and not with worldly atire.
Can someone please explain to me the definition of modesty, that the writer is referring to, that I can better understand his point of view.
Thanks
http://www.gotquestions.org/dress-modestly.html
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Modesty is wearing clothing that is high enough, low enough, and thick enough to hide your nakedness.
Biblical Modesty has nothing to do with what body parts are covered, but everything to do with reason for wearing the apparel. The Bible never describes clothing as a preventative for lust.
We ought to get our dress code from Scripture (in the OT, nakedness is defined as having the thighs uncovered) and it ought not to be based in legalistic thinking: following a strict list does not mean that one has a modest heart. I have to agree that modesty isn’t just an outward thing. For it to mean anything at all, it has to flow from a heart that honors God above all. However, to ignore the fact that some articles of clothing are more sexualized than others or that some manners of dressing will cause men to lust after you quicker than others is to ignore fact. Men are by nature visually stimulated. Do we really want to be eye candy for men we don’t even know? And, do we really want to have to answer to the Lord one day for dressing in a manner that caused a weaker brother to stumble?
modesty is covering yourself up, and dressing like God intended us to dress, like a lady. skirts and dresses that are long and not form fitting. shirts that arent tight on your skin and show your breasts and shoulders off. no midriffs should be exposed, we shouldnt show off our under garments either. so see throgh shirts that expose your bra, or if your bottoms are so loose that you bend over and show your panties, thats not modesty.
hope this helps.
He’s using modesty as in modest dress. Modest dress is when you are mostly covered and not showing off the flesh that will excite the opposite gender.
Well, simply put, the Bible declares that a woman should adorn herself in modest apparel. In the original greek, modest means long and flowing. When you compare the Old Testament with the New, in Deuteronomy 22:5, the Bible says that a woman should not wear what pertains to a man, neither should a man wear what pertains to a woman.
How can pants on a woman be “modest”? They show every curve of her figure and certainly leave very little for the imagination. They definitely cause men to lust, which the Bible also declares is wrong. If a woman does things that intentionally cause a man to lust, is she not to blame as well? She will therefore answer to God for causing a man to lust. Wearing a pretty dress or skirt and dressing like a lady definitely gives very little room for lusting because your figure is pretty concealed.
Anyway…hope this helps you see what true modesty is.
Although I do not know the author of this blog or post, I would like to share what the Bible says about modesty. This is a Bible study I did with the ladies at my church some time ago.
http://lovelessmomof3.blogspot.com/2011/02/doctrine-of-modesty.html
I hope it answers some questions for you. May God bless you as you seek to please Him.
Never heard of …, but he writes brilliantly!
Truth expressed respectfully, intelligently, and tastefully.
I hope this gets widespread distribution among both girls and boys, young women and young men, but most especially among parents.
This article is an excellent springboard for conversations of great importance. People who are less than comfortable addressing gender topics with their children should welcome such a work as this to get them past the hardest part and into the meat of the matter.
Parents, this article is a gift (as are your children)– don’t miss this opportunity!
Thank you, Anna.
Thank you, brother. God bless.
Very well written..
I like the subject;unless our ladies in the church remain careful,wordly men will swallow them.prayerfully lest they fall let them seek heavenly intervation in these serious matters
Well written and expressed article. Really helping to explaining the facts about dressing; All women must read it. God bless
Thank you. God bless you, too.
Somebody finally put down exactly what I’ve been thinking into an awesome article! I’m sending this to everyone I know! Great job!
Excellent article!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing it! My husband and I completely agree! He put it perfectly. What a blessing! I will be sharing it!
Blessings!
Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
I am saving for my daughters, and my Son. This is such a help to parents trying to raise children into Godly adults. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
[...] A LETTER TO GIRLS I KNOW ~There is so much goodness written in this piece, I don’t even want to comment on it! Please read this and share it! [...]
I’ve read this type of message before and it’s always good to see it again. Men should be just as considerate of how they dress. If I have to wear a shirt that’s as flattering as a tent, then you have to keep your shirt on, thank you very much.
No one has said that a woman must dress in unbecoming clothing in order to be modest. Yes, men must also be modest and I appreciate you making that point; however, please do not come on here and spread the erroneous idea that unattractiveness equals modesty. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Great article. This should be a standard conversation in all churches. Unfortunately that isn’t happening. Thank you for posting this.
The problem is so-called “pastors” are afraid to preach the TRUTH, afraid their highest tithe-payer will leave the church. They are more interested in a meal ticket and padding their pocket than standing on the true Word of God. So what if it burns their hides…preach it straight or they’ll be burning somewhere much worse! Preach the Bible, don’t sugarcoat the Word!
I have 3 boys and a husband and I get real tired of women and girls defiling them. I do try to share these same thoughts to the young people and ladies in our church. I thinik this is a GREAT article!!
Thank you. The gentleman who wrote it would be pleased that you think so.
Do you mind if I reprint this in my church’s newsletter? It is really good…
Please feel free to. The guy who wrote it asked me to remove his name from it but said that he was very happy that it was doing a lot of good. I think he’d be pleased.
Subjective? What is subjective about the Word of God. Truth is Truth and His Word tells us to be modest and to seek to please Him alone. How is that subjective?
The definition of modesty is subjective. If we only need to worry about pleasing God, conforming to a particular person’s concept of modesty should be irrelevant.
Anna didn’t you mean to put your comment about subjective under Charis Joys comment?
Nevermind, ignore my comment. LOL
If you read 1 Samuel 16: 7 you will see that it is referring to a son of David. God told Samuel not to look at the his appearance or height. It says nothing at all about clothing. If you are going to use the Bible on my blog, please make sure you quote it correctly so that you do no harm. Thank you.
1 Samuel 16: 7: But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
“A godly man will think about a woman in a right way no matter how little clothes she has on!”
You are clearly confused about men, and your husband should better explain us to you. wink
While I am a Christian woman who dresses modestly (and stylishly, I might add!) who has 4 stylish and modest daughters ranging in age from 10yr to 4 months, I will have to disagree to a point: this whole “boys will be boys” thing DRIVES ME CRAZY!! Like another poster said, you’re placing the responsibility of damaged relationships and male “humanness” on women and that’s just WRONG. Just as women are called to modesty, men are also called to self-control. Men can look away. Yes, men are created to be more visual creatures, but Godly men are to have eyes for their brides and none other. If he chooses to sin, it is not the woman’s fault he sinned!! (This is in the same spectrum of blaming the victim of rape because she was a hooker… rape is rape, whether you’re a hooker or a Christian modestly dressed woman)
Good example: My sister in law has 4 boys. They went to a PUBLIC swimming pool and she whined about the girls in bikinis and how these girls should respect her sons more (who were ages 7 and under at the time, and if her sons were looking at that young of age, she should be more worried about how she is raising them than what the girls at the pool are wearing…IMO) by covering themselves. She was saying her “poor boys” were bombarded with lusty images and it should be against the rules to wear such things in public (a bathing suit to a public pool…who knew?!). If she didn’t want them seeing that, she should have not taken them to a PUBLIC pool, but she is and always will raise them to think that the world at large should cater to THEIR sin-natures and it is the world’s fault is they sin.
I think Christian women should dress modestly to honor God, and out of self respect and respect for their husbands. I don’t dress modestly to protect your marriage, I dress modestly to protect mine.
The only difference between the way he shared his opinion and yours is you used ALL CAPS and double exclamation marks.
“When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly “bounces his eyes” away from the image. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire.” We can’t play the name game. It goes both ways. Godly women should dress modestly out of respect, and Godly men should learn to control their thoughts.
It does go both ways. Absolutely.
The men and boys will be accountable for their sins. The women and girls will be accountable for their sins. We are not to cause our brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble for this is a sin and will be held accountable for it. Girls and boys should be taught to be modest not only in the way they dress but also how they act and present themselves.
Amen. Each are accountable for their own sins and neither should seek to excuse themselves and just blame the others.
Thank you, Dawn C. I couldn’t agree with you more!!!
BUT. if a woman dresses immodestly, she is guilty of adultery with the man who is looking. if a woman covers herself, and the man still looks, he is at fault, not her .
Dear brubee,
Why do we read in scripture where the women are told to dress in a certain way? If women are exempt from any responsibility, then we should disregard these passages…right? Perhaps you are guilty yourself of falling into the trap of self empowerment and worse yet, woman power? You can flaunt yourself and show off your body and jog down dark alleys at midnight and expect nothing to happen? You fool yourself and one such as you causes immense damage to homes and relationships.
I myself am a man, a daddy and a husband. My family respects me and knows that any decisions is always for their best. I love them and would do anything for them. I do not lord it over my wife or my children and they know that. Do they fear me? Yes. Do they love me? Yes. I demand certain rules in my home and that also includes a dress code for the girls and for the boys.
Are you married and in love my dear? Probably not. You are angry and wounded and my heart goes out to you. I am sorry you received such pain from those you trusted. THEY WERE NOT acting Christ-like in any way. They used their position and authority to abuse those around them. Christ came to serve and I serve my family. I serve my children and I am teaching them to serve those around them. Those men should have shown this before they wielded their power.
Please understand that women are responsible for their behaviour, dress and attitudes. They will be held accountable just as much as the men who look and ogle will. We are all going to have to watch the movie of our lives being played and we will all have to give account. Please understand that if you want to be saved from eternal wrath, then you must surrender to Christ Jesus. This is the only way to life. What I read in your words is someone who has turned their back on Christ or at least the form that you followed at one point and are heading straight for a one on one encounter with Him. The problem is, when you do meet Him…it’ll be too late.
[...] A Letter to the Girls I Know: Dear Girls, There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I'm betting most of you said "a Godly man." Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exac … Read More [...]
I agree with the general idea of this article but strongly disagree with alot of misconceptions the author has about it. I would love to talk to this guy anyone know how I could do that?
Simply defined, for the Christian dressing with modesty is dressing to reflect the Gospel. In all things, our clothing included, we are to seek God’s glory rather than our own. As Paul Washer says, our clothing ought to draw attention to our face rather than to our bodies. That doesn’t mean dressing ugly or being prudish but rather that we do not seek to cause men to look at us and that our clothing is appropriate in all ways: not too expensive, not designed to cause us to stand out, not designed to cause folks to look at us and think lustful thoughts. In short, if you want a guideline for dressing with modesty, this one is pretty good: nothing too short, nothing too tight, nothing too low, nothing too sheer.
My sweetheart is a youth pastor and we have been working with young people for almost 20 years. What a refreshing article! Thank you so much for your godly words, especially backing it up with Scripture! It’s easy to give one’s advice and opinion, but you can’t argue with Scripture, eh?!
Every 3 months we meet with teens and parents for a “Lunch and Learn” and my sweetheart usually passes out an article relevant to teens and their parents. We will definitely add this article with our handouts!
Thank you for being a voice that is going against our current culture that screams that right is wrong and wrong is right!
May God continue to use you for His pleasure!
I keep seeing people say that they know “godly” men who behave in a disgusting manner and “worldly” men who have treated them with respect …. OBVIOUSLY the “godly” men ARE NOT “godly” or they wouldn’t have abused. God knows the hearts of these men. Despite being in a position of Christian leadership – they may still have secret perverse sexual addictions… I don’t think the article is saying people who APPEAR to be Christians… they article is saying that there are TRULY men who Desire to treat women with respect… and they may be Christian or Non -Christian. I, too, have male friends who have treated me with more respect than men I know who claim to follow Christ but have all these secret sexual sins…. Its all about the heart. And only God knows their heart. Just like only God may ever know the disgusting things hidden by “men of God”. He isn’t saying all “christian” “go to church” men are godly… they aren’t. But there are SOME men left (Christian and non christian) who would rather not view women sexually.
Another thing – you can most definitely dress in an attractive outfit, nice clothes, even stylish while still being modest. Wear a cute top, and instead of your boobs falling out, where a cami underneath. Instead of your thong hanging out the back, wear a belt. Instead of a see-through shirt, where another shirt under it that is also cute and stylish. Instead of booty shorts, where shorts that are 4 inches longer. Its those little decisions that you make that alter your appearance from slutty to modest – while both can be attractive.
So don’t put words into this guy’s mouth.
Very well said. Thank you.
I’m not sure which direction your coming from but I hope we agree! It is very misleading to tell young women that looking for a man that embraces these standards is christian and Godly! Standards like these prove nothing. Teach the girls relationship with God and he will lead them to the right, Godly man for them as He is the only one that can read intents of the heart!
Asking people to take personal responsibility for anything is not a popular idea. Thank you for speaking the truth, and not diluting it!
It’s hard for most people today to accept the fact that every action has consequences, and we’re not just a product of our environment and the choices of others…we actually do have our choices to make, and we will actually face the consequences of those choices, good or bad, ourselves. For some reason we want to believe that we can do anything we like and it will work out okay. Pretty much like Adam and Eve…
Point taken: Modesty is very important. However, the writer seems to be a bit naive in regards to a few issues. He makes it sound like a truly godly man has no struggles, never looks at anything he shouldn’t and never has thoughts that he shouldn’t. I urge him to look at David in the Bible who is called a man after God’s own heart. There was a guy who had some major issues and obviously did not “bounce his eyes away” from the sight of Bathsheba bathing, yet was still called a man after God’s own heart. It appears that a godly man is not a perfect man but rather a man whose heart is tender toward to Him and who is quick to repent when his sin is shown to him.
I have talked personally to the man who wrote this article. I don’t think that he meant things that way. Godly men might still struggle; many do. A godly man is responsible for his own thoughts and actions. However, women cannot use this as a means of escaping their own responsibility. Could we, in good conscience, set an alcoholic drink in front of a recovering drunk and say, “Well, if he takes it, it’s his fault.”? No. Neither can we say that women can dress any way they want and, well, if the men fall into sin, it’s all their fault.
very well written!
I discovered a clothing store providing modest shirts while I was pregnant. You guessed it, it’s a maternity store! It has always been a problem for me to find decent shirts, since my waist is much smaller than my hips and bust. My shirts stretch tight or ride up if I try to fit my clothing by my waist size, but if I attempt to accomodate my bust, I’m swimming in my clothing! The same for my hips. My maternity shirts are perfect, and since I shopped at Thyme Maternity, they fit my much smaller self quite well. Even if you are single, don’t be embarrassed to try it! If I’d known this three years ago, I would have been shopping there already.
As for the issue of “ungodly” men who seem much more principled than the so-called “godly” ones, it is a matter of sensitivity of conscience, I believe. The “godly” ungodly ones have been brought up to know that the behaviour they indulge in is wrong, yet they desire it, so they silence their conscience. The “ungodly” ones have no such upbringing, but somehow feel it is wrong to behave so, and do their best to resist. Paul wrote about this connundrum, I cannot remember to whom, I have no memory for references.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11
“As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.” — quoted from Anonymous.
I think this quote is really hurtful! Wow! I am glad that my husband had an understanding of how I grew up when we started dating. He had so much room to allow for my faults… me not growing up conservative at all. He was always gentle about his comments on what I was wearing if it was immodest. I will say that my heart believes he is a true conservative Christian man and my life has been blessed because of his “open Christ-like heart” for me. Other people in his community/family could have used a really good lesson from him. I didn’t dress modestly at all when I met him. To be honest I really didn’t even know it was an issue. I wasn’t raised to dress conservatively. I did dress like most women do in America today. But because my husband made room for my faults and had patience with teaching me the love of Christ I can say that I was just baptised 5 weeks ago at the age of 31. So I am really glad and saved because he wasn’t scared away by what I wore!
I’m glad your husband was patient and understanding with you. To God’s credit, it sounds as though you have overcome many things in your life.
One thing that I think that the author is trying to convey is that you don’t really know what a guy is thinking. His actions may be completely contrary to his thoughts. Here is a little secret about us guys that you will never hear because we don’t even talk about it with our closest friends…. We notice absolutely everything about your appearance long before anything else. It doesn’t mean that we are judging you or planning to accost you–that is just how we are wired. That goes for Godly as well as Worldly men. The only thing that separates the two is the extent to which we allow sin to grow and fester within us. That is why God has singled out women for modesty.
Please do not allow the fact that this is not true of your female nature confuse you.
The last point that I would like to make is that the line that the author has drawn between the Godly and Worldly man is NOT as clearly defined as he would like us to believe. Every person will live in a continual state of temptation in some area of sin until they die and are blessed with new body. To counter this point, I would like to remind everyone of King David. He was a man after God’s own heart and yet he was an adulterer and a murderer. Bathsheeba was bathing on her roof without care for modesty when the seed of both of those horrible sins was planted.
Ladies please understand that what men need is for you to respect them with your appearance. It may make you feel better to stand out in a crowd, but you might not like the attention if you knew what they were thinking.
I find it very telling that the author wanted to keep his name private. He is accurate about this subject and expresses the range of attitudes well. Especially the anger that women express when discussing this issue – thus the privacy. I am constantly amazed at the clothing that Christian Women will wear to church. Clothing that would not be allowed in a professional workplace because of sexual harassment issues. The author’s gentle voice expressing the real purpose of modesty is refreshing!
Hey, I am a 14 year-old girl and I have struggled with this for many years.
About two years ago, I started to really get into clothes, short shorts, and tank tops. I liked the way I felt in them, and the way that they made me look. Eventually my mom and dad told me I wasn’t aloud to wear shorts that short and I got pretty mad, I wouldn’t listen to anyone, espessially not God.
The next year, I went to summer camp and realized what it was like to listen to and trust God. See, I had ‘accepted Jesus into my heart’ when I was five, and I was raised in a Christan family. So it’s not like I wasn’t a Christan, I just didn’t get what it really meant to be one.
One day, I was listening to a DCTalk song that says, ‘what if I stumble, what if I fall, what if I lose my step and make fools of us all?’ and the thought popped into my head- ‘am I a stumbling block? Could I actually be making a guy slip up?’ and I just stood there, broken before God. He forgave me of course, but there was no way I could go back and change
(continued) change what I’d done. Thank you so much for this article, it has forever shifted my perspective. I want to help guys in their relationship with God, not hinder it. Putting clothes back on the rack is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but it is way worth it to think that I could potentially be helping a brother out. Praise God for reveling this to you! Hearing it from a guy is always a lot easier than hearing it from a parent, though they do know what they are talking about, sometimes we as kids hear it wrong.
God is amazing!!!
May I copy the first paragraph of this letter onto a post on my blog so that my readers can begin reading it there and then jump back here to finish. I think if they get started, they will definitely want to finish. If I just put a link to the site, I didn’t know if as many would click over. Whatever you would like is fine. Thank you so much!
Please feel free to do so. God bless you for your faithfulness.
THANK YOU! Something I have tried to say for so long to other ladies, but put in much better words here. I am pleasantly surpised he mentioned how it can be hard for some women. I cannot express how true this is! I have been trying for years to find nice, flattering clothing that are also modest. Stores just haven’t gotten this! (Being heavier on top has also added to my problem in this department.) I which designers would give us ladies more options to just be ladies, and not revealing. It is like we are told by meda that all our worth is physical, nothing more. No wonder we have so many women and girls with low self-esteem, eating disorders, botox, etc. Again, thanks for sharing!
I agree with this article in everything but the line. “You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause”. I don’t believe our sins are anything but our own failings. There is, and will always be temptation. By dressing immodestly, you can be a temptation to sin, but young men shouldn’t blame their sins on the young women around them. It is the equivalent of saying that you are fat because the food looks too delicious to resist. That isn’t taking responsibility for your sins, it’s placing the blame on others and that is just too easy of an out.
That said- Could we please talk some clothing manufacturers into selling some modest inexpensive clothing lines. It is a nightmare just trying to find shorts that come to the knee for my 11 year old! I understand we are in a recession, but a few more inches can’t cost all that much!
Callisandria,
You should take a look at C28clothing.com. Alot of their clothes are for teenagers to twenty-somethings, but I believe they are just as acceptable for adults as well. The sell nothing but modest clothing for both men and women (as well as accessories and shoes) that also have a God-glorifying message as well.
I searched for C28clothing.com and I couldn’t find them. Is there another web address?
A couple of Facebook friends from my college days shared this “Letter on Modesty” today. I’m the dad of a modestly-dressing college-aged daughter, of whom I’m extremely proud. She was raised to not be concerned with making a fashion statement so much as to make a faith statement, and as she cuts the apron strings, she remains true to that ideal.
Many years ago after an evening worship assembly, I approached one of the other dads, whose daughter is quite a few years older than mine. I said “Look how your daughter has those boys hanging on her every word.” We stood on the opposite side of the church and watched as his daughter, who was still seated in the church pew, held court with about a half-dozen teenage boys gathered around her, either sitting on the back of the pew in front of her or standing a little to her side. He said, “Well, all boys like pretty girls.”
Then he noticed the careful choreography of the boys’ eyes. When his daughter turned her head to speak with the boys on her left, the eyes of those on her right would focus lower. As she turned her face back to the right, the eyes on the left would do as the others had. And then he noticed that his daughter’s fashionable dress was a bit too low-cut, and that it tended to gap open, giving anybody in the immediate vicinity a clear view.
Never saw that dress, or anything else low-cut, on her again.
(Dads, you have the responsibility to make sure that your daughters dress modestly. Man up and take charge.)
Someone once shared with me the idea of protecting one another’s eyes. It was shared in the context of brothers and sisters displaying modesty in the home, but I think it applies well in society too. Ladies need to be protecting the eyes of the men who look at them and vice versa.
There is another way of looking at this: My wife protects me from seeing unpleasing women (as we are teaching our children), and I protect her from men who are bare chested, etc. We protect each other from ungodliness, not because we have a problem with it persay, but because we liken it to the grain of sand effect. One grain of sand doesn’t amount to much, but a whole sea shore or desert is more than enough. One grain over thirty or forty years amounts to a desert of desensitization. That which is wholesome and modest today most likely was unacceptable fifty years ago. We have all been desensitized to some degree or the other, hopefully God can restore some of that to us who are faithful in this area.
[...] A Letter to the Girls I Know: Dear Girls, There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I'm betting most of you said "a Godly man." Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exac … Read More [...]
[...] theory is that modesty is a thing of the past. I direct you to read a great blog on modesty I read recently. The jist of the article is that girls cannot expect to be treated with respect [...]
Without question modesty is a culturally defined standard. But as a former missionary who has traveled in a few cultures I would like to take a stab at this question. To my observation the only area of the body that is consistently covered by all cultures is the genital area (and even that to varying degrees) but all cultures have some form of covering. However, within any culture there are normative coverings that are generally followed so that what is covered and uncovered becomes what is normative in that area. When this is followed consistently then the “modesty” of the woman is in the consistency in following the norms of the society around her. It is the constant changing of these norms that causes trouble for most men. If a particular area is exposed by all women all the time this area becomes a non-issue and disappears from the thoughts and attitudes of men around. However, if the areas exposed – change, this indicates immodesty to the eyes of most men. In our current western culture – the concept of style – which changes from year to year – means that men are constantly exposed to an ever changing cultural standard of modesty. This produces a constant temptation on their part – which is the goal of the stylist – to make woman “attractive” sexually.
So a proper guide line can be drawn from 1 Corinthians 8, where Paul points out that we have a responsibility to our fellow Christians to not place a temptation before them that might lead them into sin. Jesus also makes this point in Matthew 18 where the person who leads someone into sin is in great spiritual danger. These two passages point to modesty being the attempt to not subject men to an unusual sight. (it is better to err slightly to the side of covering rather than to err slightly to the side of uncovering).
For some who argue that the “standard” for men and women in areas covered should be the same, I would simply say, you are ignoring gender differences and you need to ask yourself why? It seems to me you have an issue with the concept of gender itself. Gender distinctive dress is a cultural universal and has Biblical support. Gender is created by God and is good.
Thanks so much for posting. Modesty is such a hot topic, but so important. Too many people think that we have no personal responsibility in how we act and dress, but everyone is responsible for their own thoughts and actions. Modesty is very important to me. I noticed a quote above that I wanted to address. “A godly man will think about a woman in a right way no matter how little clothes she has on!” While this may be true, if a woman isn’t dressing modestly the temptation is still there for the Godly man to think the wrong way. I do not want to be a temptress to my brother in Christ. That would be filling the same role as Eve in the garden, who brought the fruit to Adam and tempted him to eat. And the same thing still happens today as happened then. When the guy falls and yields to the temptation, he blames the girls and doesn’t take personal responsibility. It becomes the girl’s fault for dressing the way she did. Lets not play the blame game. Instead, lets focus on getting to know Jesus, then acting and dressing in ways that will bring glory to His name. After all, we belong to Him, first by creation and then by redemption, when He purchased us from the cruel taskmaster of sin.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit in you, whom you have of God? And you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Corinthians 6:19,20
This tells me that I am not free to just do whatever I want with my body . . . either in the food I eat, the clothing I wear, even how I spend my time. I owe my God everything, every part of me belongs to Him, in gratitude for what He has done for me, sacrificing everything in order to rescue me from sin and its consequences. And I obey Him, not because He is going to zap me if I don’t, but because I love Him and respect Him.
Excellent post Mr. Author. =) It is a breath of fresh air to hear young men voice their opinions and remind us that godly men really do appreciate when women dress modestly. I know it is difficult for women to “sacrifice” the temptation to receive the looks and comments that are momentarily satisfying by dressing in a way that honors God and our brothers in Christ. I appreciate you voicing your opinion and pray that many will read, think, and act on it!
Blessings,
Marissa
thanks for posting that it was very encouraging :~) i sent it to my friends..God BLESS!!!
This is really good. Thank you for sharing! Would it be alright, if I were to save it and share it sometime?
God bless,
Raechel
Please, feel free to copy and distribute anything on this site that will help you or others. It is all here for God’s glory. The original writer of this article would be pleased. Thank you and may God bless your efforts. I see you have a blog so I’m heading over there now to check it out.
Thank you very much! I have a few friends in mind who I know this would help
And thank you also, for stopping by my blog, and leaving a comment
God bless you
Raechel
Thank you! I enjoyed visiting your blog. Keep on being one of a kind! This world has too many copies already! God bless and keep you~ Anna
WELL said!!
thanks so much for sharing!
I do believe girls and women should dress modestly and as the mother of three girls, I can tell you how challenging it can be to find clothing for them that isn’t too short, too clingy or too suggestive all together. What I don’t agree with here is the idea that girls and women are responsible for the sins and failings of others by the way they dress and I have to wonder about a man who would blame a woman for his filthy thoughts. He can practice self control. He can look away. He can bring every thought into captivity. As my husband says, no amount of clothing can cover up a dirty mind.
Very Good Article & I suggest that the churches atleast shoul take part in educating our new generation as well the current generation about the Importance of Modesty in Daily Living ! Its a Must topic among the youngsters coz Hollywood & the Crazy worldly media is teaching ‘em otherwise anyways… ! We need more blogs & conversation topics about modesty & lets all take part in it ! Thank You for sharing this ! God Bless You !
Great article!
I mean this most respectfully.
I don’t wear long skirts but I got me a pretty godly dude who wasn’t scared away by my skinny jeans.
Also, modesty isn’t just an outward thing — it’s a heart thing. You can be covered head to toe and still be immodest. Likewise, you can show …in Africa and still be modest.
Thank you for your reply. I have to agree that modesty isn’t just an outward thing. For it to mean anything at all, it has to flow from a heart that honors God above all. I have to disagree with your statement about the African dress code. Perhaps exposing parts of our body is considered acceptable there; that doesn’t mean that, in God’s sight, it is modest and honoring to Him. We ought to get our dress code from Scripture (in the OT, nakedness is defined as having the thighs uncovered) and it ought not to be based in legalistic thinking: following a strict list does not mean that one has a modest heart.
Hopefully, if you’re in a church, then your youth leader/youth leader’s wife/pastor/pastor’s wife is setting an example of modesty. Of course, this starts in the heart, but our outward appearance is a reflection of our heart.
http://musingsofaministerswife.com
You have a nice blog. Thanks for dropping by. ~ Anna
Amen! I am so blessed to have married a truly Godly man, and let me tell you, its worth it!
I wrote the “girl version” (or my perspective) on this about 6 months ago on my blog…so glad to hear it from a guy, I think girls accept it more when they hear an actual guy tell them that it’s like this!
here is my post (if anyone would like to read it): http://daughter-of-vision.blogspot.com/2011/05/prince-charming-vs-real-man-finding.html
I read your post. Excellent. Very good thinking. I am linking to it. I have a son that I hope meets a young lady like you (soon, Lord). God bless you~ Anna
Time was I’d have read the post, felt guilty about my continued desire to wear clothes governed by my taste and not ‘mens’ eyes’ and wonder if I really should be covering up to the neck and ankle and giving away all my pants.
Not anymore.
Now I read it and think, there are so many things wrong with that post. It’s assuming the reader wants to get married, generalizing in a rather sexist way by presuming to speak for the entire male gender (and self-contradictory too. Either he can know what all guys want, or he can say they all want something different, but not both), assuming other Christian men are as judgmental of women based solely on their appearance as him, totally judging the girl for her choice in clothes and basically blaming her if she gets a bad man. And, I may be reading into the tone of the post, but it seems to me that it’s a tad condescending.
Any Christian man worth his salt will NOT judge me for not dressing to his specific definition of ‘modesty’, but realize I have different definitions and convictions on it.
A Christian is, by definition, one who has been bought by the blood of Christ. Such a one will not base his convictions on his or her own feelings but on what the Word of God has to say. God commands us to dress with modesty: in the Old Testament, nakedness if defined in part as having the thighs uncovered. So, to be modest in apparel, we must cover the parts that God commands covered. God condemns nakedness (except in private alone or between husband and wife). It is the desire of Christians to honor God through our obedience. Modesty isn’t just about what needs to be covered or not but also about being the kind of person who desires to draw attention to our Lord rather than to ourselves. As such, a modest person will not go around the very poor dressed in extremely expensive clothing because it draws undue attention to oneself; likewise, they will not wear clothing that is revealing around those who might be bothered by it.
Consider this: pornography addiction is on the rise. Men are stimulated visually. When a woman who is scantily dressed goes around a man with a porn problem, he will be stirred by the site of her. If he is not a Christian, he probably won’t care; however, there are many men who used to indulge themselves in porn who are now Christians and these men will be greatly bothered by the site of such a woman. Perhaps even against his will, his first thought will be one that isn’t so pure. Yes, he will repent, yes, he will turn his eyes away and think of something else but he will still be bothered. Perhaps some men, especially those who aren’t Christians, will be tempted to undress her with his eyes. Later, alone, perhaps such a mental image will stay with him and he will find himself fantasizing about her. What woman with any sense of self-worth and dignity really wants to be eye candy for a man she doesn’t even know?
Immodesty is rampant in our society. It is a mark of a people who mostly don’t care about others or about themselves. Most folks, to be blatantly honest, don’t even look good scantily dressed and by dressing in such a fashion they are setting themselves up as an object of scorn and derision. Is that a fun thought?
Believe what you will but, in the spirit of the freedom you yourself seem to want, kindly leave others alone to believe as they will and to do so without your input. Thank you.
Great! Very, very good. I loved this.
I would like to respectfully disagree with the above letter.
The Bible says that the woman is the weaker vessel. The Bible also says that the wife is to submit to her husband. The Biblical pattern is that the husband leads the home. Although this applies specifically to married couples, the principle applies to all Christians.
There is ten times the amount of material on women and modesty than on men and self control. It seems to me that the men should take the lead and help women be modest. If they had enough self control to not give a woman attention when she was dressed immodestly, girls would stop dressing immodestly because they would not be getting said attention. I am against low cut tops, tight clothing, and short shorts but I am also against women feeling like they need to dress in plain, shapeless, burqa-esque clothing for fear that they will be a stumbling block to a guy who is not right with God.
Although there is a great need for modestly in this nation, there is an even greater need for Christian manhood. A need for men who respect women and how God created women. Godly Christian men who will take accountability for their actions and who will stop blaming their weaknesses on a woman’s closet.
Each has its place. There absolutely is a great need for Christian manhood and for men to accept responsibility for themselves, their desires, their eyes and their actions. The need for Christian men to rise up and be men, be the spiritual leaders, does not negate the need for women to dress modestly. Modesty doesn’t just refer to covering up. Sometimes modesty is about not dressing too fancy, too flashy or too rich in comparison to those around you. Modesty doesn’t mean being unattractive. It does mean, though, that a godly woman doesn’t dress in such a way as to draw undue attention to herself. As Paul Washer says, a woman’s clothing ought to draw attention to her face rather than to her body. In other words: a woman’s clothing ought to be fashionable enough, formed enough and sexually distinct enough to show she’s a woman but they also ought to be loose enough and low and high enough (in the proper places) to prove she’s a woman.
Y’know…this subject among others such as “Christian” rock music, “Christian” porn, “Christian” strippers…etc., always seems to bring out the long fought over issue of freedom. “I want this and I want that and you have no right to push your views onto me”.
Well, if we are all Christians here, then by definition we are slaves, bought with a price, we are not our own. That being said, we don’t have our own rights. We don’t have the right to express our own intentions. We must obey and bow to God for our lives, needs and wants. Does God want us to show off skin? Does God want our clothes to draw attention to ourselves? Why do we wear clothes in the first place? For attention or to cover ourselves? If we wear clothes to draw attention to ourselves, then we are looking after our own desires and not those of God. If we are focusing on spreading the Gospel, then what we wear and if it’s color coordinated, if it’s in style, etc, doesn’t and won’t matter. if you are focusing on wearing designer clothes, then you’re spending your money on foolishness. If you are wearing your clothes to draw a man (or woman’s eyes) to a particular body part, then you are advertising, period.
Let’s get off the hypocrisy and be honest. Those here and in society who wear clothes that are either revealing, skin tight or eye catching want one thing…attention. You enjoy having people stare at you and you wear clothes that accentuate sexual body parts. If this isn’t true, then change your wardrobe and wear clothes that don’t show off curves and body parts, don’t wear clothes that can be considered a second skin and don’t wear clothes that show off skin. Betcha can’t. Why? Because you are rebellious and stiff necked and you’ll be damned to have things your way…guess what? You’re right.
AND I got this one up!! Which I think was probably the one you were talking about!
“Well, if we are all Christians here, then by definition we are slaves, bought with a price, we are not our own. That being said, we don’t have our own rights.” ~ VERY WELL SAID. Thank you.
Thank you for this wonderful article. My husband is a youth pastor, and shared a similar article with our youth group. I was so surprised by the anger that this stirred up among the parents. This will certainly be an uphill climb. Praying for strength for the journey!
It does stir up a lot of anger because so few care about modesty these days (even in the church). Those that do care really are facing an uphill climb. So many don’t even understand why it’s important to be modest. It’s sad. Yes, much prayer and much strength from the Lord is needed.
For those who have asked for a definition of modesty (as pertains to clothing), I tell my daughter, “If you have to ask, ‘Is this too short, too low, to tight, too, sheer, etc., you have answered your own question.”
Good way to answer her. Thanks for sharing that. I’m sure other Moms will benefit from this advice.
Why not ask what her motivation is for wearing it? Try to get to the heart issue and not just the clothing.
this is just what im looking for being in 8th grade and going through “fitting in” and “staying in style” reading this i figured out that i reel dont need to wear the same clothes that everyone else is wearing, i can still look and stay in style and without wearing inappropriate clothes this has helped A LOT!
Dear Heather,
May God bless your efforts to please Him. It is so easy to be try to fit in and try to please everyone around you. It takes guts and a great desire to honor the Lord to remain modest and pure when very few others are. There are modest clothes available that are stylish and it’s worth looking to find them. I applaud your efforts to walk close to God. Please continue to do so. I have a 12 year old daughter who is having to face the same issues and I’m sure she’ll pray for you. I will be praying for you, also. God bless you~ Anna
Thank you, Dawn C. I couldn’t agree with you more!
I don’t know what I think about this, to be honest. Modesty does matter. But should my clothing choices be about the type of man I want to marry? Is the way I present myself simply about men? If so, I’ve built up a whole new idol in trying to find a man.
If it were only about finding a man, that would be right. The point isn’t “dress modest to find a man who will treat you well”, though. The point is this: a godly man will never be attracted to a girl who dresses immodestly. Modesty must flow from a heart that belongs to God for it to matter at all. A girl with a modest heart will dress in modest clothing (that includes clothes that aren’t too extravagant and so forth).
I’m sorry. But you men need to look away. You are responsible for your own actions. Sure maybe the girl’s aren’t helping. But do you know why women dress the way they do? FOR YOUR (MEN) ATTENTION! WHY?? Because we notice the way you lust for the women who are dressed like that. I have never ever seen a man chase a women because she was “modest” without thinking about the physical. If you would quit staring down the tops of the other women, or checking them out as they walked by, there would be a lot more women willing to take the time to become modest.
Now that being said, I’d like to know who gets to decide who’s modest and who isn’t. I know families where pants and tee-shirts are completely immodest. I know others where those without head coverings are considered hussies! So really who gets to decide?
Dear Lily, I think you are missing the point. It is as much of a sin for a woman to act and dress immodestly as it is for a man to leer at and lust for a woman who is dressed immodestly. When you knowingly cause another to stumble in sin you are essentially aiding and abetting a spiritual crime. Don’t think that you can excuse yourself by playing the innocent bystander who has no idea that what she is wearing is inappropriate. Both the man AND the woman sin and stand guilty before God.
You don’t think this is a big deal? Imagine that you decide to go out tomorrow wearing something that makes Lady Gaga blush, and that only 10% of the men that see you lust in sin. How many sins do you share the responsibility for? You need to change your thinking on this.
Thank you for being brave enough to speak out on this subject. Many men are intimadated by the wrath of the women they live with.
How old is the man who wrote this…just trying to get a clue as to if he is an elderly minister or a youth who would understand the youth of today.
He was in his early 20′s when he wrote this.
Wonderful article! My husband and I really appreciated it!
This was absolutely AMAZING. Whoever wrote this, thank you for sharing because SO many young women need to hear this. I could give you a huge high-five right now.
God Bless
I am a daughter, and I found this a nice piece of writing on how modesty is important! I do have to say, that everyone is human, so even Godly guys mess up and fall short too, but this is an excellent article to help all guys! Thanks.
its funny cause i basically do wear circus tents…
I fully agree that women should dress modestly. What I find difficult to accept (although not alluded to in the article, I know) is the mere focus on women’s modesty. Women are also visual and do also have sexual desires.
Guys walking around on the beach in bare upper bodies represents a temptation to women as well. It goes both ways, so I would appreciate a balanced view that highlights that modesty applies to men and women
I agree that men ought to be modestly dressed, also. Women aren’t as visually stimulated as men are, however. Visual, yes; driven by it at the same level as men, no. However, the burden of modesty and of self-control ought to be shared by both men and women. Good point. Thank you.
I think what I can gather from this is that both women AND men have a role to play when it comes to modesty. Men cannot blame their sins entirely on how women dress, but women shouldnt feel as if their style of dressing DOESNT affect how men think.
I know I reiterate the same thing constantly, but I believe this needs to be constantly brought to the forefront because many “Christians” seem to miss this: We are slaves of Christ, bought with a price, we are not our own. The word ‘slave’ is used more than any other word in describing the Christian. Why? Because we are. How does a slave dress, act and behave? Does a slave dress in a manner that is dishonouring to his/her master? No. There would be dire consequences to the slave who brought shame to his master’s household. A slave’s behaviour, dress, talk and conduct should always reflect his master. If a slave is not bringing honour and praise to Christ, then obviously he has a different master.
Excellent explanation. Reposting it on my modesty page. Thanks!
For modest clothing check out http://www.modestapparelusa.com and join our facebook discussion group modesty issues by modest Apparel USA https://www.facebook.com/groups/245172612195/ for encouragement and discussion.
As a Christian woman, wife, and mother of a son and two daughters, I appreciated this post. I’ve read all the comments and do wish those who struggle with this issue would do as you suggest and go to God’s Word for their answers. I’m a pastor’s wife and wrote the following Bible study for my ladies. http://lovelessmomof3.blogspot.com/2011/02/doctrine-of-modesty.html
My husband took the pastorate of a fairly “legalistic” church and I was trying to teach them the Bible’s view and not mankind’s view on either side of the issue. It is not about anyone’s opinions, but the unchanging Word of God. Although we are free from the Law, we are also admonished not to use our liberty to be a stumbling block to others. (NT)
Please, thank this young man for his open honesty. I do not feel he was blaming women, only sharing his side of the struggle with women’s clothing and warning young ladies of what they may get if they play with fire. Man will answer for their sin of lust, but woman will also answer for their sin of encouraging it and fulfilling their own lust of feeling sexy. May God bless you as you seek to serve Him.
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